what time did you get up About 8 in the morning. What I want to say is to make coffee and breakfast for my wife and bathe our three children. But no, I’m sitting and checking on Fantasy Football – and I’m not a breakfast person. I have a disgusting smoothie of cabbage and spinach, but no solid food until the afternoon. It helps me feel clear in my head.
What happens on Sunday? This is the day of NFL fantasy football. I scream at the TV, then argue with my wife, who wants to turn it off because she’s right and I’m wrong. I am upset because the matches start at 10 am and the church is at 11 am. I know I have to go, but I can’t stop checking the results on my phone, hoping the pastor won’t see me. Then I try to think good thoughts, but I get lost in church and I have bad feelings for the players I’m playing against. This is a really strange day and very confusing for me.
What’s next after church? We all go for a smoke sum at a restaurant in Vancouver, which is very good. I’ve been there for two years and they still treat me like shit, which is great. When I call to make a reservation, they say “No”. There is no celebrity. They don’t know or don’t care who I am.
Is Sunday growing? Sunday was church, so was Saturday. I was raised a Catholic and it was nourishing, I’m sure, but I didn’t understand what the priest was saying and it was all very serious. Just a lot of fear and guilt. Now I go to another church, but I’m not church yet; I would never have thought that was the only way.
What’s on the box? I am only allowed to watch Fantasy Football until 4 pm. I love my wife so much, but I’m also afraid of her. So horrible that I actually watched a Jennifer Lopez movie called “Marry Me” last Sunday and wanted to punch myself in the face so many times.
What is the last thing you do before bed? It’s always the same. My wife turns her ass to me and says, “Mike, rub my ass.” She says she is getting rid of cellulite. I say to myself, “You don’t have cellulite!” So every night I sit and watch TV and massage her to fall asleep.
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