In September 2015, Simon worked at the University of Birmingham and led an effective altruism group. “It’s a movement that values charities by giving people information and advice on how and where to donate,” he said.
When Simon saw the Facebook guest list for the first event of the new term, he noticed Ben. “So I recognized him when he arrived, but I pretended I didn’t know who he was, because that might seem strange,” he laughs. Ben was a student at another part of the university. “I was in an effective altruism group at home in Exeter and decided to continue in Birmingham,” he said. When he was introduced to Simon, he thought he looked “quite serious and knowledgeable.” Although they had a good conversation, it wasn’t love at first sight. “Ben looked pretty nervous,” says Simon. “It was just a general conversation about the band and what we were doing.
Gradually they become friends through meetings and social contacts. “On the night of the fire, I offered a group night, but in the end it was just the two of us. “I was nervous because we had never done anything one-on-one before, but we went to a fair and had a really good time,” says Simon.
“I was just comfortable,” Ben added.
Towards the end of the year, something changed and the couple acquired a more romantic attraction. As they celebrated the group’s success for effective altruism, they shared a hug. “It only lasted a little longer than a friendly hug and I found something more,” says Simon. A few days later, he invited Ben into his room to look at a sticker on his wall, and they kissed.
Although they liked each other, no one wants to have a serious relationship during the summer holidays. Instead, they kept things sloppy until the fall of 2016. Simon recalls, “I had an appointment with someone on Tinder, but I realized I really didn’t want to go – I just wanted to be with Ben.” Ben said he felt the same way. “By then, I was ready to get serious, and that’s how we officially became a couple,” says Ben.
Although neither of them had previously wanted to get married, they got engaged in March 2019, on a trip to Kenilworth Castle. “My initial gambit was about the pension benefits we will receive,” says Simon. “But I think I was just looking for an excuse to propose because I felt right.” After Covid delayed their initial plans, they had already arranged a wedding in Oxford for next year.
They moved to Bistre at the end of 2019, where they live with their cat Seth. “We moved together three months before the blockade, which is the acid test for every relationship. However, we got along very well and almost didn’t fight, “says Simon. He now works as a professor of medical ethics at the University of Warwick, while Ben is a software engineer. The couple is excited to start traveling again, one of their common interests. “We’re going to have a big trip to the United States,” Ben said.
Simon has never met anyone as kind as Ben. “He is very kind and understanding,” he said. “I was a little bad lately and he treats me so well in my worst moments. Ben is quite worried, but that never stops him from doing things. He just feels the fear and he does it anyway, which I admire. ”
Ben loves how well his partner takes care of him. “I have some mental health problems and he is very understanding and gives me all the space I need. And he makes me thousands of cups of tea, ”he says. “Simon always makes it clear how much he loves me, which I really appreciate.”
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