These were the last prime ministerial questions of the current parliament and the last before the local elections next week. So it was no surprise that this session was much more bloodless than many meetings in recent weeks. Even Tori’s front bench was definitely a C-list event. All the big names in the cabinet had wisely decided not to show up.
This was an occasion for party leaders to take action – to ensure the sound of their biggest hits – before the fight resumed in two weeks. But even Keir Starmer, with relatively low power, can easily beat Boris Johnson these days. The convict became little more than a parody. The fool of the fool.
The Labor leader began with a brief reference to allegations that Angela Raynor tried to distract Johnson by crossing and crossing her legs. Johnson insisted the Mail on Sunday story was untrue. No one cared more about eliminating his sexist and misogynistic behavior. And when he caught up with Boris Johnson, who described the athletes as wet otters and suggested that patting women on the bottom was perfectly OK, he would give him a piece of his mind. Raynor decided to leave it at that and nodded vaguely at the prime minister.
Starmer then used all six of his questions about the cost of living. How was it predicted that the United Kingdom would have the lowest growth rate of any nation in the G20 except Russia? And what did the government propose to do to prevent inflation from spiraling out of control? The country was in complete disarray, and the only plan the Tories seemed to have was to change the MOT laws. It was a government so depleted of ideas that it relied on Grant Shaps to save it (presumably already attacking Priti Patel’s brains).
The convict could only vomit, shouting random words, only some of which made sense. Several backbenchers loyally tried to applaud him, but most just seemed a little embarrassed. As expected, the sentences were full of lies. Again and again, Johnson has been asked to correct his claims that another 500,000 people work under his government. But he said it again. Compulsive. If necessary. Shameless.
It was wrong. If you take the self-employed, then unemployment has risen by 600,000. But Johnson is just blind to that. He continues to use the figures he wants. As if he has the right to the truth of his choice. This was the tenth time he repeated the figure in the municipal hall. The convict also said the country would still be quarantined if Labor were in government. So palpably untrue that no one bothered to challenge it.
That’s how Johnson turns. One lie after another, until the boundaries between truth and fiction are blurred. Where everything exists only as moral relativism. That’s how Boris justified his lies about Partygate. The events took place only in his own imaginary universe, for which he alone is a judge and jury.
“These must be the skills for Oxford debate that we’ve heard so much about,” Starmer said. Scorn is a useful addition to his PMQ weapon. Not so much a consistent argument from the Condemned as the word salad. What the current government had to offer made the cone hotline look like a work of genius. In response, Johnson could only describe the Labor leader as a man “doomed to be a regular spectator.” It sounded more like the next, forced, arrogant move in Boris’s career.
Things became much more uncomfortable for the convict when Caroline Lucas said 56 lawmakers, including three cabinet ministers, were under investigation for alleged sexual harassment. Is this a reason for dismissal under the Ministerial Code, she asked. Even if the lies and harassment were clearly not.
It may have included the minister, whom Tory MPs had reported on the main whip for watching porn on his phone in the municipality. Just think how stupid you have to be to do this in a place where you can be watched from almost every angle? And on television. In fact, rub this. It is too easy to imagine that some MPs are vague enough to think they can get away with it. Or he is not even aware of the risks. Triumph of antivokeism. Or just keep working. As it was.
Johnson sounded far from convincing, as he said anyone found guilty would be fired. First, he will be left with many gaps in government, and second, he is hardly the person to lecture someone on sexual relevance. The convict was the man who had quit his job as mayor of London for pole dancing lessons. Although at least he had done so in the private life of someone else’s home.
The rest of the session faded a lot, though not before Johnson was further embarrassed. Was he aware enough to be ashamed. He first noted that it was strange that Liberal Democrat leader Ed Davey was not in the Municipalities to represent his constituents. This is from a man who literally did everything in the last week to avoid control by fellow MPs. He then lied when he knew Covid could be asymptomatic. The denial of responsibility for 20,000 deaths in nursing homes in March and April 2020, when China warned of asymptomatic transmission back in January, was confused even by its standards.
After all, Michael Fabricant stood up to make order. He wanted to know how excited he was to be included in a list of 287 deputies – some of whom are no longer deputies – who had just been sanctioned by the Russian government. Nothing he had ever done before in his life gave him such self-esteem. The rest of us thought it was the most sensible thing the Russians had done for years. If only we could do the same and keep Mickey Fab out of the UK.
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