Boris Johnson can be considered lucky. He did not oppose the union leader of RMT. Mick Lynch has already escorted Kay Burley, Pierce Morgan, Labor Jenny Chapman and several bewildered Tory MPs. Chris Philip and Jonathan Gallis were chewed and spat out. So it would be racing certainty that the Convict would do worse with Lynch one-on-one. One very good reason is that the Tories did not make an effort to commit to RMT.
But the Convict had to face the revived Keir Starmer. In recent weeks, the Labor leader has seemed weak. It was as if his mind was elsewhere. But when asked by the prime minister on Wednesday, he was completely on it. Not all the jokes landed, but there was no need then. From the beginning, Johnson seemed hopeless beyond his depth. Powerless to defend his record. Even the Tories now do not believe in the Tories that Labor is to blame for the railway strikes. More importantly, the public certainly knows where the blame is.
But first there was a Labor question from Chris Elmore. Can Johnson confirm or deny that he ever tried to blame government or royal household work for his girlfriend – now wife – Carrie Johnson? Bubbles of nonsense flowed from the Convict’s mouth. What he had done was find work for many other people. Which must be the reason so many people are out of work. But without categorical denial. Everyone was just amazed that he hadn’t lied.
So we can take that as a yes. After all, Johnson’s only interest in institutions and their defenses is how they can be distorted and corrupted for his own ends. What is the point of trying to become a foreign minister or prime minister if you are not trying to use your influence to find a job for your lover?
Hell, he had redeemed his own brother with the title of peer. He had given Evgeny Lebedev the upper hand. Even Evgeni’s friends have yet to find out if he exists in three dimensions. Most of all, it looks like a bearded cardboard cutout. A billionaire without quality. And it is rumored that he plans to raise Paul Dacre to the Lords. So finding his newest lover for a light number was completely pointless. I mean, who wouldn’t want to be paid £ 100,000 for doing almost nothing in the Foreign Office if the only other job offered was as a £ 10,000 cleaner in a care home?
PMQs: Boris Johnson and Keira Starmer clash over rail strikes – video
As the Convict visibly rattled, Starmer charged. The Tory candidate in the Wakefield by-elections was the subject of a no-confidence vote by his own party. Does that ring any bells? Maybe Johnson should be considered something of a fashion legislator. Buy one, get one for free. Maybe there was pressure on useless people fighting for conservative positions. And was there a reason Boris didn’t really bother to visit Wakefield? Didn’t he think that two stupid people no one wanted to stand next to each other didn’t look the best?
“Pifflepafflewifflewaffle.” Johnson exploded, his face flushed from trying to speak in intelligible sentences. “But what about the rail strikes?” “Ah, I’m glad you mentioned them,” Starmer said. He may have been ashamed of the media the day before, but he was ready to talk.
What the hell has the convict and Grant Shaps been doing in the last few months? Had the Secretary of Transport sat down again on holiday in Malaga? Only two years ago, he had to cancel his bites before they started because he did not realize that the government’s own health regulations had changed. How stupid do you have to be to become a cabinet minister these days?
However, both Johnson and Shaps had appeared at a Tory fundraiser in Victoria and Hey this week, where Johnson found a bastard willing to pay £ 120,000 for dinner with him, Theresa May and David Cameron. Most sane rich people would pay more than that to go out to dinner with this list of actors. At least then you could have escaped without Boris trying to annoy you. Supposedly there was no one willing for a day of Create your own Ponzi scheme with Michael Green.
There was a lot of reference from the Tory benches. Until they gradually developed, they really were the government – sometimes it’s hard to believe, I know – and that they were largely responsible for the chaos. Whereupon they were silent. Johnson murmured, but only to make matters worse. He claims to love the railways and is building the Northern Powerhouse Rail. But no one in the north believes this will ever happen. Still, it is good to know that the Convict has rediscovered his talent for lying. This is the only thing he excels at.
Johnson continued to deny any information about the bonuses of the bankers, to whom he gave the green light only days before, before qualifying. It is true that the bankers had a lot of money, because then they could spend it in the shops of small people. Starmer had the last word once. He’s just doing his damn job. It was astonishing that the strike had nothing to do with the government when Johnson had just boasted about how much he had done for the railroads. It made sense.
The rest of the PMQ went into a vaguely meaningless fog. Labor was simply betting on profit while the Tories were pinching. Was their leader really so useless? The session ended with eating satire. “There is no room for harassment in our society,” the convict said. This was by a man who refused to fire Priti Patel after she was found guilty of harassing her employees. And who should sit next to him? Priti herself is vacant. Wearing a blue anti-harassment ribbon. She can’t resist trolling her victims.
Then we had two statements designed to cheer up the more furious Tories. Dominique Raab was the first to insist that he really hates foreigners and that although his new human rights bill will still recognize the European Convention on Human Rights, he will only recognize the parts we like. Don’t worry, we will still be able to deport refugees. Ah, they said a few grievances. But will we be able to get rid of enough refugees? Raab just shrugged.
Then came the apotheosis of disintegration. One step ahead, Jacob Rees-Mogg. There was a time when the skeleton in the dusty double-breasted suit imagined his chances. He thought he was either a king or a creator of a king. Now it is washed. On the way down. So stupid that it doesn’t help even Boris.
As Minister of Brexit Opportunities, the best he could think of was for ordinary players to go to his website to propose EU laws they don’t want anymore. Yes, we made a 4% blow to GDP just to make more powerful vacuum cleaners. Go. This makes everything useful.
Even Conservative MPs saw that it was hopeless and almost no one spoke. The statement ended in the blink of an eye. It was a government through a useless gesture. No ideas. Enter the Condemned. Your time is up.
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