Do you know that story about Johnson who wants to put a tree house in the garden at number 10? I don’t think it was for the kids. It was for Boris. You can imagine him up there, away from his problems, with a big bunch of Beanos and a sign that says “Girls are not allowed” …
Partygate is not going anywhere; Deputies are about to sue him; and on Tuesday, Simon Case, the cabinet secretary, confronted the constitutional commission (it’s not an easy job when you work for the naughtiest boy in school). Case, who looks like a grown-up prefect, initially had a clever line between disclosure and secrecy, but fell apart for John McDonnell, a man whose interrogation technique couldn’t be more terrifying if he wore a balaclava.
How about the claim that Boris tried to find a job for his then-girlfriend, McDonnell asked? “No knowledge,” Case said. Have you investigated? “No.” Why not? “An investigation … can only be authorized by the prime minister.”
“Isn’t he on fire?” Asked President William Ragg, the baby-faced swing.
McDonnell didn’t laugh. He hasn’t laughed since the fall of the Berlin Wall. He returned to work: don’t you have a responsibility to follow the standards? In this case, he shook his head: “I am VERY aware of my responsibilities,” he growled, “and I take them very seriously … I’ve had them all my career and I keep doing it!”
The overall expression of his remarks was that the government did not have a formal compliance system: we relied on custom. If ministers want to be ethical, it’s a dandy, and government officials are available to advise them. If they don’t, everything goes a little Lord of the Flies. A government official could always protest and resign, but given the pension from which one would retire, this would obviously not be in the national interest – so the government is furious and Whitehall is just watching. Case admitted that he now spends up to 30 percent of his time considering ethical issues, which, given what he said, must be a waste of taxpayers’ money. It’s like trying to teach a cat the code on the highway.
Some customs die hard
He was not happy to return to McDonnell. Case had made him “angry,” and “angry” was McDonnell’s thing. So on his second walk with the blowtorch, he asked if anyone in number 10 lied to the press and they were punished for it, would they tell us? “No,” Case said, “because we don’t comment on internal governance, and unions may have something to say about it.”
“I’ve been a unionist my whole working life!” McDonald said with a burning class war in his veins, “so don’t tell me what the unions are for!” Case looked down and said, “I don’t want to argue with you.”
In the good old days, when a teacher struck, the student shook his hand – and when the committee session was over and the cameras were off, Case approached McDonnell, apologized for what he had said, and shook his hand. It is nice to see that some customs die hard.
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