What do you do when you are in deep trouble? Boris Johnson is fed up with this, but does he consult his chief whip, his political associates, his secretaries or his wife? Intriguingly, he turns to someone in even deeper trouble than himself, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky.
Last Wednesday, the prime minister suffered the humiliating departure of his so-called ethics adviser, Lord Hyde. Johnson was facing a critical meeting with northern lawmakers ahead of the upcoming Wakefield by-elections. It was a whip with three lines: his presence was nowhere more important for raising morale and finding votes. But it wasn’t long before Geidt Johnson’s statement canceled his Yorkshire ticket in favor of one across Europe, deep in Ukrainian territory. He clearly and desperately needed his friend Zelensky’s hug and comforting chat. The discovery and weaving of Putin’s missile batteries is clearly nothing to do with the cluster weapons of a bunch of Tory leaders.
A study by the newspaper i revealed that these sudden conflicts with Zelensky coincided exactly with the moments of Johnson’s sharpest shame. On June 6, Sir Graham Brady announced that Tory MPs were ready to vote for their party leadership. Within three hours, Johnson called Zelensky. A month earlier, on May 5, the day of the local elections with terrible results, Johnson sought solace from the same source. On April 30, there was catastrophic news of the resignation of MP Neil Parish. Johnson called in Kyiv. On April 23, the news emerged that the Metropolitan was issuing fines for the “Bring Your Own Bottle” party on Downing Street. Johnson called in Kyiv. On April 16, when the UN devastated the plan for Rwanda, Johnson called in Kyiv. On April 12, Johnson was fined by the city police for Partygate, and he called Kyiv. Was it really about discussing the strategy in Donbass? It was certainly just a celebrity’s shoulder to cry on and a headline for good news.
One wonders what the hell they are discussing. Is Johnson arguing that Vladimir Putin must be absolutely insane compared to his Keir Starmer? Are they discussing peace in our time or what did they drink for tea? All we know is that on almost every occasion, Johnson is triggering another tranche of British taxpayers’ money to help Ukraine. This must be the most expensive psychotherapy session in history.
Of course, all these calls may be pure coincidence. All leaders need advice and comfort and often find them in special places. Churchill had his Normanbrook, Thatcher his Whitezacon, Blair his Mandelson. As he prepared for the post, Johnson fired all credible sources of impartial advice, relying on the unreliable Dominic Cummings. Today, he seems to be relying on an inexperienced wife and a Ukrainian comedian who has become a leader who is believed to have time to kill to alleviate Johnson’s domestic woes, as opposed to more pressing concerns about facing a bloodthirsty invader.
Johnson has apparently returned to the last resort for any leader in need, whether an autocrat or a Democrat, which is to find a good war. Starting a war saves his predecessor Thatcher, and fighting one makes the reputation of his idol Churchill. Maybe we should be thankful that Johnson didn’t start his own. Instead, he kidnapped someone else. Is this really the best he can do?
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