Gay rights activists hailed Kelly Holmes’ decision to come out at the age of 52, a move that has raised questions about how many older people continue to fear being exposed to their sexuality after growing up in more homophobic times.
The Olympic double gold medalist raised a painful 34-year public silence about her sexuality on Sunday, saying she felt like she was going to “explode with excitement” and finally came out after years of feeling depressed, anxious and even suicidal, keep it a secret from everyone except your close family and friends.
Holmes, who realized she was a lesbian when she kissed another female Army soldier in 1988, told the Sunday Mirror: “It was illegal to be gay in the army. The risk if you are caught is to be arrested, tried in a military court, thrown out, sometimes in prison. I wanted to be in the armed forces from the age of 14 and I desperately wanted to stay, so I couldn’t tell them. But it was really hard because it engulfed my life out of fear. ”
She described how, after winning gold medals in the 800m and 1500m at the 2004 Athens Olympics, she was tormented by fears that she would be expelled.
“The reason I didn’t want to go out was because I didn’t really know people in her sport who were gay,” she said. “The ban on the army was lifted in just four years [before] and I had never asked anyone if there was any retribution if I said anything. I was still completely petrified.
“I had to do this now, for me,” she told the Sunday Mirror. “It was my decision. I’m nervous to say it. I have a feeling that I will explode with excitement. Sometimes I cry with relief. The moment this comes out, I’m essentially getting rid of that fear. “
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Data from the National Statistics Office, released last month, show that far fewer people of the Holmes generation are willing to identify as homosexual than younger adults. In 2020, only 2% of people aged 50 to 64 said they were gay, lesbian or bisexual, compared to 4.5% of those aged 25 to 34.
Holmes said that when he first realized he was gay, in 1988, Britain was gripped by the AIDS panic that stigmatized gays. Schools were banned from “promoting homosexuality” under the rule of Section 28, which ran from 1988 to 2003 in England and Wales and until 2000 in Scotland. Gays in the military could be fired until 2000, and some were tried in court.
“Kelly Holmes is the tip of the iceberg,” said gay rights activist Peter Touchle, adding that there were “several other major British sporting events that failed to come out.”
“They grew up in an era of often toxic homophobia, and although Britain is more liberal today, they have been marked by this lifelong experience,” he said.
Holmes said: “There were many dark times when I wanted to shout that I was gay – but I couldn’t. All my life I have been convinced that if I admit that I am gay in the army, I will still have problems. “
Holmes told the Sunday Mirror that when she was 23, her barracks had been searched by the Royal Military Police and she believed it was to find out if any of the soldiers were lesbians.
In 2003, she cut herself with scissors before the World Athletics Championships in France. She recalls: “I was in the camp bathroom and I literally wanted to scream so loud that I turned on the tap to dull my tears. I didn’t want to be here anymore. “
“I really hope this is a wake-up call for anyone involved in prejudice and exclusion today,” said Robbie de Santos, a spokeswoman for the Stonewall charity campaign, who said it was “wonderful that Lady Kelly Holmes feels capable.” to share the truth with the world. “
“It’s not just a cultural war,” De Santos said. “It’s about the long-term impact on people.”
“We expect that there will be many more people living in the shadow of homophobia, biphobia and transphobia for many decades; “Many people think they will be judged by friends and family,” he said. “It can be more difficult if you feel that you have lived a lie with people very close to you, and people are worried about not sending a signal that they do not trust the people around them.
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