We are in this phase of the death cycle, when the only two leading policies of the government are almost certainly in violation of international law. If not British law. Just for good measure. After all, Boris Johnson knows a thing or two about breaking the law, and he’s obviously pretty cool about it. So much so that he would do it again. He fought against the law and the law won.
However, you would think that some of his ministers may have objected to breaking the law on the world stage. Even just twice. But needs need all that. Operation Save Big Dog requires no less than all of his ministers to sacrifice what is left of their trust for the cause of the party’s lunatics. Deputies – almost exclusively men – whose demands are becoming more extreme the more they please.
Given that Priti Patel comes from the same wing of the party as the fundamentalists, it seemed she would like to use the opportunity to explain the current state of the Interior Ministry’s plans to deport refugees on Tuesday. A chance to dance to the shattered hopes of asylum seekers around the world.
But Pretty Vacant was unusually modest on Monday afternoon. She refused the opportunity offered by the president to make a ministerial statement. And when Lindsay Hoyle instead offered the opposition a chance to make Rwanda an urgent issue, she rushed to the hills.
Maybe it was all too banal for her, and she couldn’t help but be disappointed that more people wouldn’t suffer. After all, it is unlikely to have been of excessive remorse, as it will require something that comes close to conscience. But for whatever reason, Vacant was nowhere to be seen in the Municipalities and was left to the extremely dumb and synaptically challenged Junior Minister Tom Parsglow to present the case to the government.
Pursglove is nothing if he is not a true believer. He was also one of the fanatics on the back bench before Johnson ran out of opportunities and promoted him to a Home Office restroom cleaner. So his eyes shone with delight as he sang the praises of being unpleasant to the refugees.
This was a “leading world” policy, he began. Leading in the sense of being first in a race with only one. Every other country – mainly Australia and Israel – that has tried “deportation money”, also known as legalized human smuggling, has had to give it up as inoperable and too expensive. The idea that this, too, may have been unethical and immoral has not yet occurred to them.
Rwanda was also fundamentally safe, Dopi Tom suggested. Not that he intended to live there. Although he will be happy to visit some of the refugees when they are in their internment camp. Not so human zoo. More safari park for wildlife.
First you see the big five: elephants; lions; leopards; rhino; and buffaloes. Then you see the Little One. Probably even the Iranian police officer who fled to the United Kingdom because he was in danger of being sent to prison because he prevented his people from opening fire on the protesters. Lawyers had arranged for him to be dropped from the first flight to Kigali, but he would probably be caught and sent later.
Stuart MacDonald of the Scottish National Party and Yvette Cooper of Labor were incensed when they saw refugees being treated as pawns in the convict’s survival. But Stupid Tom dispelled their anger. They didn’t have to be taken seriously because they had no alternative plan. Probably one of the stupidest of his many idiotic remarks. There is no cure for Alzheimer’s, but it’s not a good idea to do lobotomies for anyone with dementia. Some suggestions are just bad. And the plan for Rwanda is one of them.
This did not stop the Tory Men’s Psychoclub from overdoing the excitement of other people’s misery. Peter Bone was not worried that there might be no one in the field – there are currently only those whose case has not been successfully challenged by lawyers – believed to be less than 10.
Robert Goodwill was adamant that Christians fleeing persecution would be much better off in Rwanda, as the United Kingdom is essentially an Islamic state. Or something. Julian Lewis said that from now on the United Kingdom should be allowed to make laws for the whole world, because we are the best country.
Eternally furious Brendan Clark-Smith blamed all the failures of the scheme firmly at the feet of “left-wing lawyers” and charities. Damn lawyers. Going around applying the law. Bloody charities. To walk around nicely with those in trouble. Mike Woods was almost astonished when he announced that the courts had said that the flight could continue, whether it was legal or not. Come on figure. Labor Chris Bryant shouted, “Lawyers on the left.”
Johnson himself was involved in some kind of violation of the law. This is becoming a habit. He tried to present his non-implementation of the Northern Ireland Protocol as a mere cosmetic formality. What we got were the usual Convict lies and dog nonsense. We had to change the protocol because it was unfair for the EU to stick to the deal we negotiated and signed. We had to do it because the protocol contradicts the Good Friday agreement. And that was in the first place. Well … then maybe don’t sign a Brexit deal that also contradicts the GFA. Have you ever felt cheated? That they are ruled by idiots. Or people who take you for an idiot. Curiously, he did not triumphantly celebrate the publication of the bill with a statement in which to answer a parliamentary question. Rather, he simply pulled it out as late in the day as possible to get as little attention as possible.
To add insult to the damage, the economy also shrank by 0.1% in April. Good luck to us. Effortlessly, an anonymous junior finance minister, John Glenn, was sent to explain why in response to another urgent question. That was it, he said. If we were still doing millions of Covid tests and spending billions on tracking, the economy would grow. brilliant. The Tories are responding to the recession. Send for a new pandemic.
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