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The project starts on Thursday. This means that there is not enough time for fake drafts. Since everyone and their uncle’s postman’s cousins have a fake draft, we also continue to publish one.
I don’t like fake drafts. Some say they are a means of framing conversations. They are actually crutches. There must be a better way to talk about the draft than to say, “Let’s pretend we know what’s going to happen and then talk about it.”
It gets even weirder when it comes to forecasting deals. Potential permutations extend to numbers that the human mind cannot comprehend.
But here we are. Our only fake draft of the year. I don’t care if any of the choices are right. I don’t care if you call it “the worst draft.” (One or more of my previous fake drafts will be happy to lose this crown.)
We’ve done countless versions of fake drafts. This was before I developed a complete and utter hatred for them. In recent years, we have moved to a one-time layout, without concern for accuracy and without pride in authorship. Especially since I have now outsourced the task of an experienced intelligence officer, whose credentials will not be called into question if his name is mentioned.
I thought I was mistaken in his choice. But then I realized I just didn’t care. If any of these choices are correct, the anonymous, unattached skinless scout in the game gets the credit. I will gladly take the blame for everything that is wrong.
Nothing is happening here. literally.
1. Jaguars: Travon Walker, Defensive End, Georgia.
They were thinking of taking a hit. The current thinking is that they will stick to the omission.
2. Lions: Aiden Hutchinson, Defensive End, Michigan.
He satisfies a need, and his relationship with Michigan is great for business. If he’s there, that’s pointless.
3. Texas: Evan Neal, Tackle, Alabama.
A team with many needs can go in many different directions here.
4. Jets: Ahmad Sauce Gardner, cornerback, Cincinnati.
The Jets migrated from Revis Island to Sauce City.
5. Giants: Ikem Ekwonu, Dealing, NC State.
The offensive line is and was a mess. Ekwonu begins the process of cleaning things up.
6. Panthers: Charles Cross, Dealing, Mississippi.
They need a quarterback, but in the end they may not like one enough to make it the sixth choice.
7. Giants: Drake London, Receiver, USC.
I personally would go with Jameson Williams here, but I’m referring to the man who created this draft.
8. Falcons: Kyle Hamilton, Safety, Notre Dame.
Potential talent from the generation becomes the anchor of a team that hopes to become an eternal contender again.
9. Seahawks: Derek Stingley, Jr., cornerback, LSU.
They could trade down or they could catch a man who could become one of the cornerstones of the Legion of Boom 2.0.
10. Jets: Kavon Thibodeaux, edge rusher, Oregon.
All those people talking about Thibodeaux slipping out of the top 10 can hope to do so so they can draft it.
11. Commanders: Gareth Wilson, successor, Ohio.
A new Buckeye receiver can replace the current Buckeye receiver, which may not want to give big money.
12. Vikings: Jermaine Johnson II, near Rocher, Florida.
Za’Darius Smith is a short-term move; they need figures for their 3-4 protection.
13. Texas: Chris Olav, successor to Ohio.
They no longer have a quarterback franchise. A great receiver can make their non-franchise player look much better.
14. Ravens: Trevor Penning, Dealing, Northern Iowa.
Since Orlando Brown is gone and Ronnie Stanley is still a question mark, the Ravens need blockers.
15. Orly: Jameson Williams, successor, Alabama.
Don’t be surprised if he goes higher – or if the Eagles swap to take him higher.
16. Saints: Kenny Pickett, QB Pete.
They wouldn’t be chasing Deshon Watson if they were completely sold to Jameis Winston.
17. Chargers: Andrew Booth, Jr., cornerback, Clemson.
They are doing what it takes to keep up with the great transgressions of AFC West.
18. Orly: Jordan Davis, Defender, Georgia.
Fletcher Cox is getting closer to the end. They need someone who is just starting out.
19. Saints: Tyler Smith, Offensive Lineman, Tulsa.
The offense after Peyton needs more talent, not necessarily a successor.
20. Steelers: Malik Willis, quarterback, Liberty.
They can exchange to take it. They probably don’t intend to have a bigger difference between quarterback franchises, as they did before they recruited Ben Rötisberger.
21. Patriots: George Carlaftis, edge rusher, Purdue.
The best player available, an assessment informed by their struggles when it comes to making and developing receivers.
22. Packers: Traylan Burks, successor, Arkansas.
They desperately need a new receiver №1. Don’t be surprised if they exchange to take him or someone else.
23. Cardinals: Demarvin Leel, Defender, Texas A&M.
The protection needs to be strengthened. Leal could provide it.
24. Cowboys: Kenyon Green, Guard, Texas A&M.
It is time to return to the care of the offensive line.
25. Accounts: Trent McDuffie, Defender, Washington.
They need help in the background, especially with Tre’Davious White, who is returning from a torn ACL.
26. Titans: Jahan Dotson, successor, Penn State.
Julio Jones did not succeed. They need a solid number 2.
27. Buccaneers: Devin Lloyd, midfielder, Utah.
Another Devin succeeds Lavonte David.
28. Packers: Bernard Reiman, Team, Central Michigan.
Since Aaron Rodgers stays around, they need people to keep him upright.
29. Leaders: Zion Johnson, security guard, Boston College.
They need to design and develop competent blockers for Patrick Mahoms.
30. Chiefs: Duxton Hill, Security, Michigan.
Combined with the signing of Justin Reed, the takeover of Hill could significantly improve the last line of defense.
31. Bengals: Tyler Linderbaum, Center, Iowa.
Talented but undersized, Bengals need to look for guys who can protect Joe Burrow.
32. Lions: Matt Coral, quarterback, Mississippi.
They could exchange that choice with someone who wants to get a quarterback – and the last five-year contract from the 2022 draft – or they can go ahead and take Coral here. He has the intangible assets that the Lions need as they try to turn the page on three decades of dysfunction.
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