To my Flames family, I hope you can understand my decision better after reading this letter. I appreciate how much you wanted me to stay and I hope you can see how difficult this decision was for me.
Before I became a hockey player, I was a hockey fan. I totally get it. It’s hard not to view every free agency decision as a betrayal.
All I would ask though is that people listen to me as a human being.
Last week I kept thinking about the conversation I had with my parents near the end of my freshman year at Boston College. I had the option to stay in BC and become a free agent and sign with any NHL team next year or report to the Flames. But all I wanted was to be a Calgary Flame. I felt I owed it to the organization that took a chance on a five-six, 130-pound forward from the USHL. I wanted to show them that I could be the player they believed I could be.
When I was elected in 2011, I honestly couldn’t put Calgary on a map. I knew about Iggy and the red shirts and that was really it. But I quickly learned what it means to play for this city. I couldn’t believe the comments of people urging me to sign up and become a Flame right away.
“Johnny!! Please sign.” “Are you going to play for us next year???” “Have you signed yet????”
And when I went to Calgary for development camps, I saw how deep a connection people have with their hockey team. Even just for games made up of prospects, we’re going to get so many fans at the rink.
This city is great, I thought. It’s a hockey town.
From those early days I knew: Hockey in Calgary is just different.
This is a special place with great people.
For most of my life I have been obsessed with the game of hockey and getting better at it. Every summer I worked my tail off to come back better than before. I have always believed that hard work can take you anywhere in this sport.
But as much as I love hockey…family is everything to me. It’s the most important relationship I have. And a few years ago I think I started to realize how much you sacrifice when you give 100% to your career. I felt like I needed to do more to center my family in my life after we went through some tough times.
My dad’s heart attack in 2018 was a big moment for that. It really was that bad and he is lucky to be here today. A very scary situation. And seeing him in that hospital bed… it hit me extremely hard. I thought about how little I had seen my parents since I was in the league. These moments and experiences change you as a person.
Another big moment for me was when I met Meredith. After my father’s heart attack, I bought a vacation home in hopes that my family could spend time together and have a place for my father to rest more after we almost lost him forever. And that’s how we met… Meredith was my neighbor. She was a NICU nurse at the time. I was so blown away by the work he was doing. And over the course of our relationship, I learned a lot from her about how to balance those two things: passion for your work with passion for the people in your life. I learned a lot about the person I want to be. Which is a good son, a good husband and (soon!) a good father.
And ultimately this decision came down to trying to find that balance.
Before I became a hockey player, I was a hockey fan. I totally get it. It’s hard not to view every free agency decision as a betrayal.
– Johnny Gaudreau
As much as we both love Calgary, I think Meredith and I just felt that it would be very difficult to continue living as far away from our families as we had been – especially after starting a family of our own.
This is the hardest decision we have ever had to make.
I want to clear up a few things I’ve heard over the past week.
I’ve heard people say I was using Calgary for leverage and that I “always knew” I was leaving. I’ve heard people say that with the money I make and how easy it is to get on a plane, location shouldn’t be an issue.
And while I wouldn’t normally spend time on these things, I feel like I owe it to Flames fans to be honest.
For what it’s worth, I didn’t know for sure what I wanted to do until the last hours of the last day. Man, even after I turned down the eight-year deal from Calgary, I was still thinking about going back and trying to work on a seven-year deal to stay. Everything was on the table for the entire process. Maybe this seems messy … but life is messy, you know?
And as far as “jumping on a plane” and all that, I’m incredibly grateful to be an NHL player and to make the salary that I do. I don’t take it for granted for a second. Which contributes to why money wasn’t the main deciding factor for me. But the idea that Meredith and I can just fly to and from home or have our loved ones visit is okay because we have money? It is not that simple. Our families still work full time. Our brothers and sisters have their own lives. Our nephews are in school. It’s a tough journey for people, and it’s getting even tougher with the pandemic. And it is difficult for us to go out to the East as well. Things like missing your grandfather’s funeral or very sick relatives make the distance so painful – and you remember that feeling when you plan your future for your family.
I know these answers won’t appeal to everyone, just as I know my solution didn’t. But all I can do here is tell the truth.
And this is the truth, I promise: I cherish the time I spent in Calgary. For a long time, Meredith and I saw our future there. We wanted to re-sign last summer. We were looking for homes to start a family. But it just didn’t work out and we thought this summer might be different.
But that doesn’t change how I feel right now. I am so proud to have been on this team and to represent this city. And for the past few weeks… I struggle every time I think about it. All the relationships we built here, all the amazing friendships we have—I felt them in my chest every time I thought about leaving.
And it’s weird, you know, I was thinking about what it’s going to be like when I come back next season. I know there will probably be boos…but as weird as it sounds, I’m still very excited to be back and playing in front of some very passionate fans. That’s why I loved this city and the people. They love their team. I have so much love for my time as a Flame. No amount of boos or angry messages will change that for me.
One day Meredith and I hope to bring our family back to Calgary to show them all of our favorite places and things to do like Banff and the Stampede, especially the Saddledome!
I know that’s the kind of thing every player says to their fans when they leave… but like I said: My story is not every player’s story. Not every player was a five-six, 130-pound USHLer when one of the NHL’s most storied franchises took a chance on him.
I felt like the luckiest person in hockey when that happened, and I still do.
I hope the people of Calgary will remember me not only as a hockey player, but also as a good person with good values. Thank you for supporting me all these years and for making my family part of yours.
I feel so grateful to have been raised in the Calgary Flames organization.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
“Johnny.”
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