The Scottish National Party has many winning qualities – at least during the elections. Favorites include a gift for spinning, avoiding responsibility, and wasting public money like drunken Keynesians on the beach. Another always does the opposite of what Westminster does, no matter how frivolous or petty the issue of disagreement may be.
In Holyrood on Thursday, the SNP unleashed all these virtues. Asked by Prime Minister Nicola Sturgeon, she was asked about the SNP ferry fiasco – the failed contracts with Ferguson Marine, which are estimated to cost the public 250 million pounds – and the mystery of the accompanying documents that disappeared in the air (or perhaps at the back of the shredder). Her usual composure had evaporated, leaving a confusing sturgeon on the hook – and all the telltale signs were there: a sharp shake of the head and rebellious frowning glances into the middle distance.
Where was this crucial e-mail approving the treaty, Scottish Tory leader Douglas Ross asked. Sturgeon, choosing a new diversionary tactic, reminded him that there were still many in the public eye who had not mysteriously disappeared – only not the one the chief auditor wanted. The Mona Lisa may have been captured by the Louvre, but at least Jacques Louis-David was safe. Although this approach seemed strange, her MSP erupted with canned applause worthy of a nineties sitcom.
Ross continued his chase with a sarcastically raised eyebrow. Sturgeon’s defense, he said, was on par with “One big boy did it and ran away – and now the dog has eaten my homework.” But Sturgeon quickly changed course. Presenting herself as a fearless champion of employment, she cites the 400 workers whose jobs were retained when Ferguson’s shipyard was taken over after a contractual error. “It was and is an achievement,” she sang. “I know jobs don’t matter to the Conservatives, but they do matter to this government!”
What would it take to apologize to the SNP?
Little can be done in tandem with Westminster for the SNP – it’s not even as fundamentally boring as the census. They had decided to postpone it by one year until the rest of the UK stepped forward, they said, “to ensure the highest possible response rate” (and, of course, the creation of a super-Scottish version of gender forms identity and no box for “British” only). Unfortunately, the opposite happened; low voter turnout of 74 per cent compared to the almost universal response elsewhere in the UK. Once an enumerator tried to test me, I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Glenmorange.
SNP spokesman Angus Robertson was summoned for questioning that afternoon, although the chairman cut short his statement to five minutes as everyone already knew about the delay. He still managed to make a “serious apology” that leaked to the press before Holyrood – although he refused to admit that the decision itself was a mistake.
As the census is expected to cost taxpayers an additional £ 21.6 million, after which low voter turnout could make the data useless anyway, there may be some more glaring political goals. What exactly would it take to apologize to the SNP? And more importantly, if you can’t conduct a census, how do you expect to run a country?
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